taking a pause with me, Kendra Bozarth

for the Black Women Know Best newsletter

[TW: SI]

When I launched this newsletter back in January, I had endless dreams for the stories I would tell and absolute elation for the Black women y’all would get to know. I was also bed bound at the time with an “illness within an illness” known as post-exertional malaise (PEM). My health has been in free fall since early 2022 after a devastating viral infection, which I struggled through as I co-produced the first Black Women Best (BWB) congressional report. While advocating for an economy that cares for Black women, I was living through the very real consequences of a society that does not. 

After endless doctors appointments, the root cause of my PEM has yet to be determined, but the source is largely suspected to be myalgic encephalomyelitis (ME) and/or chronic fatigue syndrome (CFS). From severe neurological issues that impact my daily brain function and vision to extreme flu-like symptoms that are triggered by the most basic of tasks and can last anywhere from a few hours to a few weeks, I have felt trapped in my own body. My social life is close to nonexistent, and my career is beginning to suffer the consequences of my condition. My dearest friends have recognized the steep decline in my mental health in recent months; with their encouragement, I’m taking extreme measures to hopefully save my body and spirit. 

I recently saw this video from Kobe Campbell, a licensed trauma therapist, who says that the remedy for burnout is not rest but a total restructuring of your life. From the workplace trauma that I’ve endured in my lifetime to the ancestral trauma that resides in my bones, I am tired as fuck. Beyond exhausted. Nearly broken. 

And I recognize that if I don’t stop — if I don’t put down work and the screens that I, as an editor and writer, depend on for wage labor — I not only face permanent disability but also risk life-ending grief. I’m very open about having survived almost two decades of suicidal ideation, which has been greatly alleviated by Wellbutrin in recent years, but my chronic illness as well as a severe hormone disorder that I’m learning to manage cause troubling SI flareups. I’ve realized that in order to live, I have to let go of a lot of the things that make up my life for a little bit. 

To that end, I’m sharing this request for mutual aid. As my dear friend, Azza, reminded me: Mutual aid makes racial capitalism weaker and all of us — and our bonds — stronger. Deep thanks to Kate, who put this together for me and who supports me in immeasurable ways, and to Sue, who always shows up and champions my well-being. If you know me, you know that I put my whole heart into everything that I do, including my work. If you can, please donate and/or share this campaign and help me hold my heart.

The Black Women Know Best newsletter will be on pause for the coming months as I head to the ocean for healing and a long-awaited birthday trip, move back home to Kansas to slow down and be with family, and take much-needed time away from my personal and professional work. 

A world that truly cares for Black women will be a world that cares for all. Thank you for all you do and have done to care for me.

With love and gratitude,
Kendra