It’s easy to get lost in lovelessness. From unloving policy choices to heartless bosses and billionaires, it’s systemic. As my best friend said this morning, “My heart breaks all the time, every day.”
bell hooks teaches us all about love: “it was love’s absence that let me know how much love mattered. Redeemed and restored, love returns us to the promise of everlasting life.”
Our society chooses not to love Black women — over and over and over again. In spite of this, we choose to keep loving ourselves and each other. As a special Valentine’s Day offering, I asked Black women to put down the heavy and express their love. Here, I gift you some of their responses.1
“I embrace a love ethic by _____”:
being
choosing to love myself every day
fostering community through knowledge
finding and seeing the humanity in others
building meaningful relationships with people
protecting Black women and Black people at all costs
speaking and acting with loving kindness, honesty, and commitment
working through my masks to be the best lover — for myself and to others
treating other people with the understanding and grace that I want for myself
understanding that how I️ love is not separate from who I️ am and how I️ see myself
“Love flourishes in my everyday life by _____”:
pursuing collective care
assuming best intentions
finding sisterhood with my friends
teaching my kids the values I practice
being intentional with where I build love
accepting the pieces of myself that are not whole
saying “I love you” to the people I love — every day
studying, writing, and sharing Black and brown stories
helping family, friends, colleagues, and even strangers in the simplest of ways
being who my ancestors created and showing up unapologetically everywhere I go
One respondent noted that “with so much sadness and despair in our world, love is not always top of mind. Choosing it and choosing to share it is healing.” Another said, “We all deserve more love. And not just care or prosperity — but real love.”
As bell hooks adds, “Those of us who have already chosen to embrace a love ethic, allowing it to govern and inform how we think and act, know that when we let our light shine, we draw to us and are drawn to other bearers of light. We are not alone.”
Love is an action. Actions are choices. And choices carry consequences. What do you choose?
Like what you read? Buy me a coffee ☻ and follow me on Twitter (while it’s still here).
some of the responses have been slightly modified or combined.